Sometimes, I wonder about us
by incoherent.melodies
Summary: Trina lets her imagination wander and creates her own love stories. trina/robbie/beck/andré/sinjin/sikowitz


**summary: **Trina lets her imagination wander and creates her own love stories. trina/robbie/beck/andré/sinjin/sikowitz

**Sometimes, I wonder about us.**

Trina was tired of it all. The off-white walls made her long for her flamboyant bedroom again. _Why did I throw it all away_? She was trapped and as if she would drown in her own sadness. She couldn't live like this forever; what happened to the bright lights of Broadway? Her music career? Ultimate superstardom?

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," she mumbled to herself. She flopped over on her lumpy mattress and faced the rocking figure in the corner of the room.

"I never got to fall in love you know," Trina whined to her roommate Kaitlynn. Kaitlynn glared at Trina, clearly exasperated.

"Then maybe you shouldn't have tried to kill yourself," she replied harshly. Trina pouted and rotated her body so her back was to Kaitlynn.

Trina sighed and traced patterns into the dull bricks in the wall. She figured it would be a while before she got out of this place after her many freakouts. Maybe pretending she had an amazingly interesting love life, she would feel a little better and pass the time. Trina thought of all the boys she thought were cute at one point and began making up storylines.

;

Robbie would be her lost puppy. With his big brown eyes and broken self-esteem, he was just too cute to let suffer. She'd tell him he wasn't a _complete_ loser and he'd grin for the first time in months. He would watch her perform on stage with a gleam in his eyes and her heart would flutter. Whenever she'd remember, she would remind him to take his medication. Robbie would glance up at her with embarrassment; _Don't say that when people are around_. She would feel like his mother. He would become boring; she would dump him in the middle of the hallway and ignore Rex's snide remarks for the rest of the year.

;

Beck would be her trophy boyfriend. Together, they'd hit every party in town and he'd kiss her and she'd smile brightly. Whenever she felt insecure, he would grip her tighter and tell her it was okay because she was _his_ now. They would be perfect.

He would show her his bruises one day; his self-inflicted cuts the next. He'd replace fries and a coke with pills and vodka. She'd ask why he was doing this to himself. He would reply that it was because he was broken.

_Then fix yourself. _

_But I'm _yours_ now_. _You have to fix me. _

He was _so_ beautiful, but his issues would be overwhelming. She didn't want angst, she wanted stability and he had anything but that; she'd write to him in a text message: **It's over**.

She would open her locker the following morning and see a folded note flutter out. She would open the letter to read:

_Nobody leaves me_.

;

André would be her prince. He'd buy her flowers and write her countless songs. When she would sing along, he'd scrunch his eyes but continue to smile. He would take her to meet his crazy grandmother and she would smile and tell Trina how pretty she was. André would take her to the balcony and tell her how much she means in his life, but Trina could see the distance in his eyes.

Her blood would boil when she caught him eyeing Tori and would kiss him harder and with more passion in hopes of erasing her from his memory.

André would break her heart the next day and say that they couldn't keep lying about their feelings. For reputation's sake, he would tell her she could say she broke up with him. Trina would try not to rip out her own hair as she watches him walk right across the hall into her sister's bedroom. _How could he do this_? Trina would vow not to cry and simply tell everyone as many dirty lies about him as she could think of. _Maybe_ it will help.

;

Sinjin would be her lapse of judgement. Her hormones would feel particularly racy that night and she would be on her 6th drink. The music would pound through her skull and make it difficult to find a familiar face. Despite her blurry vision, she'd recognize his fluffy blond hair and pull him into a bedroom to have her way with him. He'll tell her he's wanted this since he first laid eyes on her but she'll silence him with her tongue. The next day, he'd ask if they were together now, and Trina would laugh in his face. She'd lie and say he was delusional for thinking it was her and remind him her father was a cop. Sinjin would pout and walk away dejectedly and she'd remember how soft his lips were on her neck.

;

Sikowitz would be her dirtiest secret. She'd beg him to help her with her monologue afterschool because no one wanted to. He'd reluctantly agree. They practiced the same scene for 2 hours. When it got to the pivotal moment, he would yell cut but just once, she got brave and continued. She'd plant a sweet kiss on his lips and he couldn't resist. It would continue to progress until they would just be a mess of limbs. She would glance up at the clock; _10:30pm_. Trina would rush home to be interrogated by her parents and lie as smoothly as a teenage girl could. Her parents wouldn't bother to argue her story made absolutely no sense.

When she would enter her bedroom, Trina could still smell him on her. She wouldn't know whether to be disgusted or turned on. The following afternoon, she'd realize it was the latter. Her and Sikowitz would do this everyday, sometimes in classrooms, sometimes in his apartment. He'd whisper that he loves her and she'd roll her eyes. No matter how many times he kissed her breathless, he would still be a freak who smelled like coconut milk and baby powder. On graduation day, he'd ask her to meet his mom and she'd refuse.

_It wouldn't be a secret if we told, would it?_ She'd kiss his cheek and never look back.

;

"Have a nice sleep?" Kaitlynn flicked Trina's forehead repeatedly until she opened her eyes.

"I wasn't sleeping. And if you must know, yes, I was having fun. Like, 5 guys fell in love with me and I was a heartless bitch to most of them and there was blood and I slept with a teacher then I told him to fix himself and I met his crazy grandmother and I was drunk…" she trailed off.

"Well, at least you fit in with the rest of us now," Kaitlynn joked. "It's time for lunch. I hear it's chilli today!"

"Ew, gross," Trina rolled out of bed and followed her friend. While she ate the nasty 'chilli', she couldn't shake her thoughts from her mind. Who knows; when she gets out of this place, all of it may come true.

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><p><strong>an: **Special thanks to **Masquerading with Shadows **for helping me edit this. Thought it was good? Terrible? Average? Please leave me a review! Thanks for reading :)


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